6/16/2012...temptation

Sitting here at Golden Corral with my oldest pixie. She had her swim meet and dress fitting today, and she's chowing down. Which is fine, because she's the size around of a pencil.
Me, on the other hand, am realizing I have some deep seated psychological addiction issues when it comes to food. I want bread. I want hot rolls with honey butter. And I can smell it, but I can't eat it. It's like someone drinking a 12 pack in front of an alcoholic in recovery. Its kind of sick.
I ate my steak salad and green beans and ham like a good girl. And one chocolate covered strawberry, which according to my research is 7 grams of carbs. Hope I'm right about that.

So I'll drink my diet Pepsi and watch sissy eat rolls smothered in honey butter and curse myself for the hundred pounds I need to lose.

6/13/2012

I've taken a three month sabbatical from healthy eating. Yeah, I know. Didn't last that long the first time.

I sit here in the waiting room, waiting for news...my husband is getting a colonoscopy today. I have a doctors appointment in a little while, for a totally different reason. Not one I'm ready to talk about yet. Maybe not ever.

I realize I have to do something about my health. My husband needs to as well. His diabetes is not very well controlled. He doesn't eat regularly, and his work is requiring him to work 12-14 hours a day 7 days a week right now. Needless to say, he's exhausted.

I am too. Most days I don't know if I'm coming or going. My dr took me off the Phentermine after I had a panic attack. My gym closed down. No place else in Lamar to go work out. Sure, I could go for a walk, but with all the knee probs I've been having lately, I'm afraid I would fall.

Sorry for the negativity, things have just sucked lately.

Day 5

30 minutes on the elliptical today. Yay! I exercised! Total calories consumed today were 965. The only real issue I'm having is a really bad taste in my mouth.
Been kind of a lazy day otherwise. Really tired.

Day 4

1446 calories. Sorry, didn't have time to update yesterday.

Day 3

I managed to get through the day without a candy binge. Yay! Total calorie count: 1314. I did discover today that one chocolate covered espresso bean contains 21 calories. Wow. So I only ate one. My dad visited from KC today and we made barbecued chicken on the grill. It was good. I roasted some red potatoes in the oven as well. My appetite is crap after taking all the vitamins, so I couldn't even finish off one breast. Which is okay; less is better.

Dealing with creaky back pain tonight; I can tell that there's rain coming soon. Hoping if I can get the weight off the back pain will decrease. Hopefully.

I'm afraid to step on the scale. What if I check and I haven't lost anything? Is it worth it? It has to be. My kids need their mom.

I don't have diabetes. I don't have high blood pressure. In fact, it was 110/72 at the dr office on Tuesday. I do get migraines, and I do have disc degeneration in my lower back. I'm aware I need to cut down on my caffeine intake, but I think I need to try to make the switch from diet soda to tea first.

I think tonight is going to be a bubble bath night after the kids go to sleep. Maybe tomorrow we'll go to the park and walk the trail...

Seriously...I never want to look like this again

Day 2

Stuck to my calorie limit. Yay! I also taped pictures on my refrigerator to help encourage me not to eat. Hubby wanted Pizza Hut for supper, so instead of my favorite (barbecue stuffed crust), I ate thin crust ham and pineapple.

I figure I should probably post a side view picture of myself at the start of this journey. So, tomorrow, it should be posted.

Total calorie intake for today: 1220.